Being Your True Self When You’re Introverted

How To Be Your True Self In Social Situations When You're Introverted

Truth be told, I think I find it really easy and also really difficult to be myself in social situations.

I always tell people that if someone I meet says I’m quiet or shy, then they don’t know me very well. When you become my friend, you quickly realise that I’m a very animated speaker, I make a lot of facial expressions and I don’t shut up. I can’t blame people though, I’m a hybrid of a person because in social situations I’ll either get really intimidated and be timid or I’ll over-compensate and I probably come across as…a bit much. It just depends what kind of people I’m with. Everyone always says to ‘be yourself,’ but how do you be your authentic self in social situations if you’re more of an introverted person?

 

Remember that people are too busy thinking about themselves.
Someone could be talking to you, you’re freaking out about what to say next and honestly? For all you know they could barely be listening to you because they’re busting to go to the loo. I mean, hey, it seems like a far out there thought but it happens. We’re all just people and no matter what we think, we don’t really ever know what’s going through another person’s mind. Not everyone is the same, but chances are other people are too busy thinking or worrying about something to do with themselves to even begin to judge you, and knowing that makes me for one feel a lot better. It takes the pressure off because I realise that hey, the people I’m talking to might be just as introverted as I am- who knows?

 

Find your forte.
I bloody suck at small talk, like I think I am just really terrible at it. Maybe I’m not that bad, but that’s how I feel. I find it easier to have a deep conversation with someone rather than quick banter. Can’t do it, never could. I nailed down the reason the other day though, and it’s because if I’m only talking to someone for a quick second or a few minutes at a time, I a little bit go into panic mode because it’s like quick, you have to make a good impression and not come across as a complete weirdo and what if I have nothing to talk about and blah, my brain goes into overdrive. With long conversations, a lot of those thoughts drift away and I can actually focus on what I’m saying and what the other person is saying. Try finding your forte and by finding that, you’ll feel more comfortable and more able to be your most authentic self. 

 

Focus on just listening.
Something I quickly learned from one of my acting classes (yes I am a budding actor, judge me accordingly) is that when you’re acting, if you’re just trying to think of what you’re next line is then you’re not doing a very good job of being in the moment because it means you’re not actually listening to the other person. It’s the same for real-life social situations as well. So to sort of step out of your shell a bit more, try concentrating on just listening to what the other person is saying. You might find that things flow a bit more smoothly and that it’s easier for you to get out of your head and into the conversation a bit more.

 

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  • I can relate to this as I also appear shy in the first meeting until I feel comfortable with the people around me. You’re so right to focus on listening because that will actually make you feel at ease and eventually join in the conversation. I’m glad to know I am normal haha and I’m not the only one, thanks for sharing dear!.
    http://www.busyandfab.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yep you’re definitely normal and I think a lot of people can be like that (like us) so it’s comforting to remember that if you’re ever feeling a bit down about it 🙂

  • Totally relate!! I’m the most talkative chatty person… but only once I get to know you. The issue is I will never be the person to start off the conversation so I just have to wait for people to talk to me.
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.co.uk/

    • The Sunday Mode

      I’m a bit like that too sometimes! I need to learn how to strike up a conversation more…

  • I’m definitely one of those introverts who can over-compensate, especially if I’m around someone who is more introverted than I am. I feel this internal pressure to keep the conversation going because I know (or feel) that the other person won’t & then there’ll just be dead silence. I always feel like an idiot afterwards because I can come across as being full on in those situations, so I think I need to learn to settle down & let things be in general, whether I’m in that situation or I’m the introverted one dealing with an extrovert.

    Shell // The Novice Life

    • The Sunday Mode

      I do the same thing! Like if I’m talking to someone and I can’t really get much out of them then I just start becoming a little much because I’m trying to carry the conversation and make things not awkward, which is awkward in itself really. I’m actually relieved to hear that I’m not the only one that does that, because it almost makes me feel like a fake introvert in those situations.

  • Absolutely love this post and I can definitely relate to it! Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I always try to remember that people are too busy thinking about themselves. Listening is key as well, I know I’m a good listener (if I can say so myself) and I find that people tend to remember that a lot, rather than going on and on about the fact that I don’t speak a lot when a lot of them are around!

    http://fannyanddailybeauty.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh well that’s a great thing to focus on then! And good for you for being a good listener, those type of people are always the best 🙂

  • It’s so true that people are busy thinking about themselves. I often remind myself of that when i feel shy or get nervous x

    Tiffany Tales | Lifestyle & Beauty

    • The Sunday Mode

      Same here Tiffany 🙂

  • Truly love your first point – people are often too busy thinking about themselves! My mum told me this when I was a teenager and it’s stuck with me ever since; I remember her saying worrying about what other people are thinking of you is a sign of vanity, haha! Hope you’re having a lovely week so far babe 🙂

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice | Worldwide Giveaway: Passionata Lingerie Festive Lulu Bralette Set! x

    • The Sunday Mode

      I learn that when I was younger too! I think I heard it in a movie or something and it always stuck with me as well because I was like damn, that’s so true!

  • Really great points – particularly the last one! And the first – you’re so right people are more often than not thinking about themselves and how they’re coming across and I definitely agree with the listening point because I get so caught up thinking about what to say next that when the other person talks I get all flustered because I haven’t actually been listening to them!

    Daughter of An Air Hostess // Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yep, that happens to me too and it’s frustrating isn’t it? I just worry sometimes that I won’t have anything to say next so just focusing on listening really helps me with that 🙂

  • Laura [Merkitty]

    Very useful. I have to remind myself often that everyone is too busy wrapped up in their own lives to worry about what I’m doing.. doesn’t stop you from being paranoid though sadly.

    • The Sunday Mode

      True, it’s something I’m trying to overcome though because it’s a trait I have that really annoys me!

  • The tip about just listening is a really great one and one that I try to implement into my daily life 🙂 It’s so easy to be constantly thinking of what you will say next throughout a conversation rather than just focus on listening xx

    Frances Kayleigh | Fashion & Lifestyle

    • The Sunday Mode

      Exactly! I think worrying about what you’re going to say next is such an easy trap to fall into.

  • I’m lucky that I tend to be fine in social situations as long as someone starts the conversation with me, but I’m very bad at approaching people I don’t know and inserting myself into conversations and that’s what makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like if you’re new at work and a bunch of people are sitting together in the kitchen having lunch, if they invited me to join them I’d be perfectly fine, but I would hate to have to try to push my way in and invite myself and would probably rather just eat alone at my desk than do that, haha. It can be a difficult thing for anyone to navigate, and I’m sure it’s even harder if you’re more of an introvert, but you’re totally right that most people are thinking about other things and don’t think you’re weird and aren’t judging you anywhere near as much as you may be judging yourself.

    littlehenrylee.net

    • The Sunday Mode

      I can relate, I hate inserting myself into a conversation that’s already going on I always feel like the most awkward person on the planet (probably a slight exaggeration there). I try to always remember that I probably judge myself way more than anyone else ever would, but it’s refreshing to hear that echoed through your comment as well!

  • We have so much in common, Julia, it’s crazy! I love the tips about listening- it’s something that I’ve been practicing a lot more over the last couple of years, in social situations. I can sometimes easily start talking way too much, which would then make me a little anxious, so listening more has helped me become more comfortable- concentrating on what other people have to say, rather than just ramble on and on lol

    Paula
    Thirteen Thoughts

    • The Sunday Mode

      I know it’s crazy! Often when I’m reading your posts as well I’ll feel like you’re writing about me because the things you’re talking about are so similar to how I’ve felt as well. We must be long lost sisters from across the globe!

      I tend to do that rambling thing as well, I’ll either be super quiet or I hear myself talking and talking and I’m like my god Julia slow down you’re not even giving the other persona chance to talk :/

  • Wow such a great post lovely! Thanks so much for sharing xx

    Adventures in May | Miss Nev

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks 🙂

  • This is so important, great advice indeed, especially the part about listening.

    Hannah | Wild At Heart

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks so much Hannah 🙂

  • phoebe

    i love the split image picture you created:) You come up with such imaginative ideas for presenting things on your blog – a visual delight!
    The things you wrote about are great food for thought. I think really listening to someone ( not just hearing them- you know when people can say back what you just said but you know they weren’t actually listening ) is so important. I must admit that when my mind is particularly overactive planning ahead, thinking about what I have to do etc it becomes much harder to give anyone my full attention, which is really such a shame because it’s really not living in the moment either.

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh thanks Phoebe! I was playing around with editing my photos a little so I’m glad you like it as well 🙂

      For sure an overactive mind can be a pain in social situations! That happens to me sometimes as well and it can be so awkward when you’re really trying to pay attention but you kind of can’t.

  • I like the listening part, it is very realistic. When you talk, you are just saying things you already knew, but if you listen, you might learn something new.

    StyleSprinter Blog by Katya Bychkova

    • The Sunday Mode

      So true! That’s a great point Katya 🙂

  • a n d i ✨

    We sound like very similar people in social situations – I’m either super reserved and quiet, or I’m the life and soul of the party, and I don’t even really know what that depends on either? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I really like the whole ‘listening’ thing, and I’m definitely going to use that tip the next time I’m in a social situation I’m not sure of.. 🙊

    Andi | http://www.andthenzen.co.uk

    • The Sunday Mode

      Really happy you found this post helpful Andi, it’s funny how we can be so different in situations isn’t it?

  • I enjoyed this post. I’d say I’m an extrovert but I still end up saying/doing the weirdest things when I’m talking to someone I don’t really know for a brief period of time or when first meeting them. I feel like I could win an award for ‘most awkward moments’, seriously. I can only laugh about it but the amount of times I walk away from meeting someone for the first time thinking ‘crap, why the heck did I do/say that’ haha.

    Samio
    http://www.samio.co.uk/

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh no, I think I’d win that most awkward award from you because some of the moments I’ve had were excruciatingly awkward….

      So glad I’m not the only one who walks away from conversations sometimes thinking that!

  • This is great! I’m an introvert and find I always over compensate and come across rude and loud in social situations! Then once I’m home i’m completely mentally knackered. Thanks for putting it into perfect words!

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s so interesting and I bet that in social situations people would never guess that you’re an introvert!