Being a ‘people pleaser’ is one thing, but spending your life either consciously or sub-consciously changing little bits of yourself because you want to please other people (because you care what they think) is a whole other beast. A lot of people care about what their friends and family think of them because those are the people who they care about the most, but I’m talking about everyone. So family, friends, your blog readers, strangers down the street, anyone who stumbles across your social media pages and comments, just everyone. You may be thinking “Um who the hell cares what random people reading my blog think?” but it’s a much easier trap to fall into than you’d think and spoiler alert: it’s exhausting. So here’s why I’m giving up on caring what other people think.
It makes me feel inferior.
So social situations with new people just don’t seem to be my jam, I tend to come across different than how I actually am. I always joke that people have to ‘warm up’ to me to like me, but it seems to be true and it’s something that’s always bothered me.
In school, I had a teacher who really didn’t like me at all to start (she said that) and then by the end of the year she’d gotten to know me and it got to the point where her husband suggested she just adopt me because she liked me so much. Yet even knowing all of this, in social situations I still find it difficult to fully be myself (which you can read more about here). I think it stems partly from the fact that I don’t want people to not like me, so I maybe won’t let myself fully be ‘me’ in social situations if I think it will help me fit in more. I’ve realised though that by doing that repeatedly it makes me feel really, really shit.
By trying to please everyone and by trying to make sure that no one hates me, I’m hiding the parts of myself that some people might actually like. The end result? I’m so busy trying to make sure my normal weirdo self doesn’t come out that I end up feeling inferior to the people around me, probably because I’m envious of their ability to be themselves (even though that’s just what I’m assuming). It’s not worth it though, it’s not worth cutting yourself down a few pegs to make sure you’re not too ‘odd’ and it’s not worth feeling smaller than anyone else in the room. From now on, I’m on a mission to just be myself a hell of a lot more and who cares what anyone thinks about that. I’m not going to go out of my way to be rude I’m just planning on being me, and if people like me or if people don’t, that’s not my problem. Yep, you better believe that in public I’m going to stop hiding little tidbits about myself (like the fact that I love listening to things like the My Favorite Murder podcast), even if it does make me sound like a bit of a Ted Bundy in the making….
Why? Because put plain and simply- caring and worrying about what other people think of me makes me again, feel really, really shit.
It hasn’t worked for me so far.
What’s the definition of insanity again? Oh yeah, it’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So me always trying to please everyone, never be hated, never step on toes with my opinions etc and then wondering why I feel like crap is pretty much insane. Well, plan my break out from the asylum because I’m done with all of that.
Obviously for me, caring what other people think about me is just too difficult and it’s not making me happy. Sometimes I think when you have moments of clarity like that you just need to act on it and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. So more being myself, unabashedly myself. Less being insane and trying to do the same thing but expecting different results.
It’s really bloody tiring.
When it comes down to it, trying to live a life that will please your family, friends, strangers, bypassers and new people you might meet is exhausting. Sorry for the language, but jesus freaking christ I’m only 23 and I can’t keep that up, it’s too tiring. At this point I’m feeling so dramatic that I’m one step off rocking up to my local cafe in my pyjamas just because I can’t be bothered caring about what anyone thinks of me and I can’t be bothered fitting people’s standards of how they think I should look. 2017 has been a year of massive changes for me and with that comes (hopefully) a change in the way I see myself and a change in the way others see me.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you care about what other’s think of you? Or are you just zero shits given about it all?