Why I’ve Given Up On Caring What Others Think

how to stop caring what people think
 
Being a ‘people pleaser’ is one thing, but spending your life either consciously or sub-consciously changing little bits of yourself because you want to please other people (because you care what they think) is a whole other beast.  A lot of people care about what their friends and family think of them because those are the people who they care about the most, but I’m talking about everyone. So family, friends, your blog readers, strangers down the street, anyone who stumbles across your social media pages and comments, just everyone. You may be thinking “Um who the hell cares what random people reading my blog think?” but it’s a much easier trap to fall into than you’d think and spoiler alert: it’s exhausting. So here’s why I’m giving up on caring what other people think.

 

melbourne fashion blogger

 
It makes me feel inferior.
So social situations with new people just don’t seem to be my jam, I tend to come across different than how I actually am. I always joke that people have to ‘warm up’ to me to like me, but it seems to be true and it’s something that’s always bothered me.

In school, I had a teacher who really didn’t like me at all to start (she said that) and then by the end of the year she’d gotten to know me and it got to the point where her husband suggested she just adopt me because she liked me so much. Yet even knowing all of this, in social situations I still find it difficult to fully be myself (which you can read more about here). I think it stems partly from the fact that I don’t want people to not like me, so I maybe won’t let myself fully be ‘me’ in social situations if I think it will help me fit in more. I’ve realised though that by doing that repeatedly it makes me feel really, really shit.

By trying to please everyone and by trying to make sure that no one hates me, I’m hiding the parts of myself that some people might actually like. The end result? I’m so busy trying to make sure my normal weirdo self doesn’t come out that I end up feeling inferior to the people around me, probably because I’m envious of their ability to be themselves (even though that’s just what I’m assuming). It’s not worth it though, it’s not worth cutting yourself down a few pegs to make sure you’re not too ‘odd’ and it’s not worth feeling smaller than anyone else in the room. From now on, I’m on a mission to just be myself a hell of a lot more and who cares what anyone thinks about that. I’m not going to go out of my way to be rude I’m just planning on being me, and if people like me or if people don’t, that’s not my problem. Yep, you better believe that in public I’m going to stop hiding little tidbits about myself (like the fact that I love listening to things like the My Favorite Murder podcast), even if it does make me sound like a bit of a Ted Bundy in the making….

Why? Because put plain and simply- caring and worrying about what other people think of me makes me again, feel really, really shit.
 

style blogger

 
It hasn’t worked for me so far.
What’s the definition of insanity again? Oh yeah, it’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So me always trying to please everyone, never be hated, never step on toes with my opinions etc and then wondering why I feel like crap is pretty much insane. Well, plan my break out from the asylum because I’m done with all of that.

Obviously for me, caring what other people think about me is just too difficult and it’s not making me happy. Sometimes I think when you have moments of clarity like that you just need to act on it and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. So more being myself, unabashedly myself. Less being insane and trying to do the same thing but expecting different results.

 

how to stop caring about what other people think

 
It’s really bloody tiring.
When it comes down to it, trying to live a life that will please your family, friends, strangers, bypassers and new people you might meet is exhausting. Sorry for the language, but jesus freaking christ I’m only 23 and I can’t keep that up, it’s too tiring. At this point I’m feeling so dramatic that I’m one step off rocking up to my local cafe in my pyjamas just because I can’t be bothered caring about what anyone thinks of me and I can’t be bothered fitting people’s standards of how they think I should look. 2017 has been a year of massive changes for me and with that comes (hopefully) a change in the way I see myself and a change in the way others see me.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you care about what other’s think of you? Or are you just zero shits given about it all?

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  • I love your boots and completely agree, it is so draining thinking about it, it is definitely best to let go and prioritise. As long as you are happy 🙂 xxx

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

    • The Sunday Mode

      Definitely, thanks Kiran 🙂

  • I love this post! I think all of us at some point in our lives or in some situation feel the need to please someone and make sure we’re liked, and I definitely think it can be so easy to fall into the trap of constantly thinking like that. Especially when I meet new guys, I’ll always say afterwards, did I come across as weird as I think I did haha, but every time they just say no and say weird people are the best kind anyway. I think we need to all remember that most people are thinking just like us, trying to make sure they impress, and if we all remembered that we could all relax a little more 🙂

    Amy // http://www.thenoiseinwonderland.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s so interesting that you ask that and none of them thought you came across weird at all, because I always think I come across as weird with guys!

      Yeah I try to just remember that people are probably thinking the same thoughts I am in social situations especially so I probably shouldn’t freak out and stress over nothing.

  • It is always better when we don’t let other people’s opinions affect us. They can stop us from being who we truly are and that is so, so bad. Being able to put them aside and doing and being you is the best feeling in the world!

    The Lisa’s World

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks Lisa 🙂

  • I’ve always been a person who has wanted to be liked; but the older I get the less of a shit I give about it. Granted, I still have my moments where I worry about offending someone I don’t know all that well with an off-the-cuff comment (my internal filter is faulty) & then start worrying about whether or not they still like me, but that eventually fades. In the end, you need to be true to yourself & do you no matter what. There’s always going to be people out there who won’t like you for whatever reason & you have no control over that. We’re all better off focusing on those who DO like us rather than trying to impress people who don’t or might not like us.

    Shell // The Novice Life

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh that’s the best thing I’ve heard (well, read) all day Shell, I love that your level of shits given is decreasing with age. I love your advice as well, it’s true that sometimes no matter what you do sometimes people just won’t like you and dwelling on that is just redundant.

  • Fredaaa. `

    This is a struggle point for me, it defo is insanity to get everyone to like you. You’ll always have people who will like you for you, and others who just hate you either for a quality that they hate/wished they had or just for no plain reason.

    • The Sunday Mode

      Good point! I need to remember that.

  • Hayley Rubery

    YES to this post lady! I’m absolutely all for not caring as much about what people think! For me, this is definitely something that’s come with age, I’ve learnt to focus more energy on myself, and less on what others think – definitely a better way to live!

    Hayley xo
    http://www.frockmeimfamous.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Good for you girl! I’ll take your advice and try and do that as well.

  • I love this. I’ve started to change my mindset lately to try and be more like this. It’s difficult but I am getting there and feel so much better for it! This was a really refreshing post 🙂 Thank you! xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

    • The Sunday Mode

      I agree, I’ve been in the process of changing my mindset and it is really difficult! So glad you liked the post Jessie 🙂 x

  • Lisa Autumn

    YESSSS GIRL! I so agree with you 🙂 It’s the most important thing what you think about yourself 🙂

    xx Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Amen to that! x

  • As a chronic people pleaser, I can so relate to this. You’re right when you say it’s super tiring. I had to make a conscious decision back in February to quit this attitude as it was stressing me out. When I find myself slipping back into that mode of wanting to please everyone and wanting everyone to like me, I simply remind myself that I am enough. Great post! 🙂
    Coco Bella Blog

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yeah being like that really stresses me out as well, it’s too much constant pressure! I love that you remind yourself that you are enough because you completely are, I need to remind myself of that as well…

  • When I hit my 20s I stopped caring what people think. Go Girl!

    Jordyn / junerobin.blogspot.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Damn that’s good, good for you!

  • I have to say, this took me so long to do and now I don’t care. When I was younger, I always used to think about what other people would think but when you reach a certain age, all that seems to stop because the only person you should care about is… you! Hope you’re well hun and wishing you a wonderful, wonderful week!!!!

    Layla xx

    http://www.sprinklesofstyle.co.uk

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s awesome that you don’t care! I can’t wait till I reach that certain age where I just don’t care because at the moment it’s something I do have to actively work on.

  • I can relate to some of this as I am also a people pleaser and after many times of putting myself in situations that weren’t so great, I’ve learned to stop caring what other people think too. It’s way too exhausting and will always take work to not care, but I think it’s great when we can get to that place!

    http://www.myclusterofthoughts.com/

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yeah I’m feeling that at the moment too, it’s too exhausting to care but it’s also tiring at the moment because I’m working on not caring!

  • I absolutely love this post, Julia. And like some of the others have said, as someone who tries to please people on the reg, I can definitely relate with some of this. Thanks for the positive vibes!

    http://www.originalcaroline.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks Caroline! I’m super happy a fellow people pleaser can relate and likes the post 🙂

  • I used to care more about what others thought and this summer I read the book the life changing magic of not giving an F and it was the perfect book! I loved it and took some of her advice and now I feel like what others think of me is low on how many F’s I give =o)

    https://dreamofadventures.com/

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh I’m reading that book right now! I’m about half way through and it is definitely helping, it’s such a funny book!

  • Sinéad Danielle ✿

    I think the sooner you realise this, the sooner you can actually start living! You can’t live your life according to other people’s opinions and perceptions so well done you!

    Sinéad xo Fabuleuse Du Jour

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thank you Sinead! 🙂

  • I totally agree that there comes a point in life where you just give up on worrying so much about what other people think of you, because like you said it only holds you back from being yourself and feeling comfortable, and all that happens is that maybe some people who you don’t have much in common with might potentially like you more. But ultimately no one is going to be liked by everyone, it’s totally normal to not get along super well with everybody, you just need to find the people who you click with and give your energy to them because you’re going to enjoy their company way more than people who aren’t really your kind of people anyway.

    littlehenrylee.net

    • The Sunday Mode

      Couldn’t have said it any better myself, you always word everything so beautifully! Yeah at the moment I’ve been meeting a lot of new people and it’s just so much more relaxing to be yourself fully and then whoever likes you, likes you.

      Julia // The Sunday Mode

  • phoebe

    I must admit I feel like my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster as to when I care too much or not at all about what others think. I think there is something charismatic and attractive about people that you can sense are being their real selves, it makes people around them feel much more comfortable to be themselves too.
    I remember watching/reading some documentary/book about regrets of the dying – written by a nurse who worked in a hospice and this was one of the main regrets- people just wished they had taken the job etc they really wanted not the one that pleased their parent etc, just allowed themselves to really live their own life, not the life they thought others expected/ wanted them to. without being overwhelmed/ fearful of what others thought of them or their decision.

    • The Sunday Mode

      Oh see sometimes when people around me are being their real selves I’m often very jealous of them! I wish I could just fully be myself with ease and not have to think about it at all.

      Wow well whatever you watched or read sounds extremely inspirational! Whenever I hear messages from old people or dying people about what they wish they did differently with their life it often really motivates me to get out there and live my life more freely.

  • What a great timing for me to read your post! I feel that people have to ‘warm up’ to like me too! But now I am not letting this to hold me back. It is a great filter to meet incredible people during my life journey and not waste time with people who are around me for all the wrong reasons. Love, Iga http://www.igaberry.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s a great way to put it. It’s actually so nice to hear that I’m not the only one who people can take a while to warm up to as well!

      • You definitely are not the only one 🙂 It took me years to recognise that this is one of my traits that rather than a weakness is a strength. x

  • I read this quote and it said… You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and you’ll still have someone who doesn’t like peaches. I’ve tried to think about this whenever I care about what people think x

    Tiffany Tales | Lifestyle & Beauty

    • The Sunday Mode

      Who knew a quote about peaches could be so inspiring because actually I really love that quote as well! I definitely need to remember that one.

  • It is the same with me! I always felt like people had to warm up to me before actually liking me and growing up I didn’t have many real friends. I am socially awkward so I find it hard to be ‘natural ‘ with others so I always used to try and make myself seem more confident than I was and would forever try and suck up to people who shouldn’t even matter. Now I couldn’t give a f**k excuse my French. It is far better to be ourselves! xx
    https://fadedspring.co.uk/

    • The Sunday Mode

      haha that is the best thing I’ve heard all day, I love that you don’t give a f**k now that’s the best progression from that situation that I could possibly imagine!

  • Ahh everything in this is so well said and I couldn’t agree more! People are always surprised by how different I am when they actually get to know me, and I’ve made it one of my new year’s resolutions to try and show my true personality right from the get go. I think that in the blogging world we have to live up to many expectations but in the end, it is a much more enjoyable experience when we can sideline those and just do what makes us happy, as opposed to other people!

    Maria | whatismaria.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s a really interesting resolution, maybe I should take up that one as well. I agree about what you said about the blogging world and all it’s expectations as well, although for me sometimes I find pressure comes from being nervous to explain my blog to people for fear of what they’d think. Well, not bloody any more! haha

  • Great post Julia. I think a lot of people can relate to this. I wouldn’t say I worry too much about what others think, like if they know I’m a bit weird and hyper, that’s fine because it’s true, however I don’t like it when I’m misunderstood and people think they know me to be different to how I am, if that makes sense.

    Samio x
    http://www.samio.co.uk/