A Note On Letting Fear Decide Your Future

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I’m scared of a lot of things, in weird ways. I’m not afraid of heights so you could stick me at the top of the tallest building and I’m fine, but a bug flies near me and I run for the bloody hills. I could give a presentation to a huge crowd of people and be fine, but sometimes small social situations make me choke up and I get scared to step out of my comfort zone.

 
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Aside from the truly awful things in life and aside from guilt (I bloody hate guilt!), the biggest life-ruiner/soul sucker out there is…drumroll please…fear.

Fear makes you panic. Fear makes you anxious. Fear stops you from doing things you want to do and it can control your life if you’re not careful. I wasn’t careful and yep, that happened to me.

I didn’t even realise it was happening until I read a blog post where someone wrote the quote ‘Never let fear decide your future.’ You know how sometimes quotes just hit you where it hurts? I thought ohhhhhh shit, because I realised I had been letting fear decide my future. I think you just have to take an honest look at your life and figure out how many of the decisions you’re making are based or stemming from fear.

Maybe you want to take a chance at going for your dream career but fear is stopping you. Maybe you want to change up your lifestyle but fear is stopping you. Maybe you want to cut toxic people out of your life but fear is stopping you. Even FOMO (fear of missing out) which seems harmless still counts because you’re doing things you don’t really want to do because of again, fear.

It’s funny because we spend so much time trying to figure out what moves to make next in life, that you sort of forget to stop and ask yourself once in a while how many of the decisions you are making, and how many fear is making. I know I’m guilty as hell of this although I’m going to blame a lot of that on my anxiety lol thanks anxiety for being all around shit.
 
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But hey, recognising a problem is the first step? Now that I’ve realised just how much I’ve let fear take the reigns in my life, I’m actively working on doing the exact opposite. So something scares the crap out of me? Well as long as it’s not scaring me for the wrong reasons then I’m planning to just grit my teeth and pull a Nike. AKA, Just do it.

No more avoiding things because it’s difficult or because I’m scared or uncomfortable. No more delaying facing my fears because I’ll “do it next time.” Now is my next time.

So I suppose if you’re feeling this way as well or if you’re noticing that fear is slowly but surely guiding your life, at least know you’re not alone. You’re definitely not alone. Everyone has felt fear at some point in their lives and if it wasn’t a massive problem for a lot of people, then the whole concept of fear wouldn’t even exist, right? We just have to recognize where it’s controlling us so that we can stop it.

You know, usually I try and craft my blog posts a certain way. I try and be helpful or informative in one way or another. So if that’s why you read my blog then I’m sorry, because this post is definitely not that. Sometimes your girl just has to vomit on the page (not literally, I mean word vomit- think Mean Girls). I just had this revelation about fear in my own life and I felt like I needed to get the word out there. I don’t want other people to let fear guide their lives as well and not even realise it because that is the worst feeling. 

And if you’re reading this post and thinking you can’t relate at all well then congratulations. You’ve probably conquered fear and my hat goes off to you! But for the rest of us, hang in there, we got this.
 
 
 

Has fear affected your life at all?

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  • Hell yeah fear has affected (and continues to affect) my life! I would like to give a cheers to anxiety for being, as you said, “all around shit”.

    I’ve tried my hardest to work on this area as I’ve got older & there’s things that I can do now or have done that I wouldn’t have been able to do when I was younger, but fear still trips me up every now & again. It’s a lifelong work in progress & I know I won’t be able to rid myself of all of my fears in a snap; but as long as I continue to chip away at them then progress will be made.

    Shell // The Novice Life

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yep, I tried to word that more eloquently but there’s just no being eloquent when it comes to anxiety. It’s just flat out shit.

      I’m going to try and think of it as you said, like chipping it away. I think when I think about conquering all my fears at once I can feel so overwhelmed!

  • Fear has probably kept me from moving on with my life the past 6 months. I think it’s about accepting you’re fucking terrified and channelling that into something more helpful.

    Sarah | More Than Adored

    • The Sunday Mode

      I’m with you Sarah, it’s the channelling part that I need to get really good at…

  • Ashleigh

    Love this post, girl! Such a good quote – I love those moments where they just make you realise something and hit you right in the feels, haha. Fear manifests itself in so many ways for each of us and it’s about finding out the “why” and then figuring out how to conquer it! It might take a day, it might take a year, but you’ve got this!

    Ashleigh x
    http://www.ashleighdmello.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks girl! That was a super uplifting comment and something I need to remember the next time I feel like I’m totally swamped by fear!

  • Joanne

    This was so, so well-written! I actually relate to this a lot, as someone who struggles with anxiety and fear of failure and that whole package myself. You’re very brave for talking about it. Also, I love these photos, you look stunning. <3
    Have a nice week!

    Joanne | With Risa: A Lifestyle Blog

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thank you Joanne! Oh I’m so familiar with that package as well sadly, the good ol’ anxiety and fear combo. So happy you liked this post and thank you so much for your comments on my photography! 🙂 x

  • Such a well-written post, I love that you don’t have the answers to overcome it, but I agree that recognising it is probably the first and most important step!

    http://fannyanddailybeauty.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Ah so happy people didn’t think this post was just a major waste of time. I just felt like I had to get the message out there!

  • Oh I so needed this post today! It’s amazing how often we get caught up in life and don’t actually realise what is holding us back or why we decide not to do something. You’ve made me realise a lot of what I’m putting off is because of fear. Thank you lovely
    Peta xx
    ww.pe-ta.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Ah yay that makes me so happy to hear Peta! I’m glad you can relate 🙂

  • Fear is one of the my biggest step backs in life and I’m so glad you wrote a post about it.

    Vanessa x | http://www.springlilies.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      We’re in it together Vanessa, at least we can both relate so neither of us are alone!

  • Such an interesting post to read! Loved it x

    Blog: The Lisa’s World | Instagram | Twitter

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thanks Lisa

  • This is such a beautifully written post, and thank you so much for writing it! You’ve put into words some of the thoughts I’ve had about fear deciding what I do, and it really is eye opening to hear it from someone else. I agree that recognizing it is the first step, and I love the mindset of just doing it even if it scares you. I’m going to keep that in mind for 2018 x

    x Kara | http://karascloset.net/

    • The Sunday Mode

      Ah thank you Kara! Yeah I mean I think Nike were really onto something with that quote, now I try and remember that all the time when I’m too scared to do something.

  • phoebe

    I was just talking about this the other night after watching a show where they commented on “brave people” and said that a brave person is not someone who has no fear (because then there is nothing to be brave about). it’s a person who is really scared, feels a lot of fear towards doing something and then does it anyway. That really stuck in my head.
    Also, I must admit that through my life when I reflect back, the fear (and ruminating thoughts associated with it – whatever it was at the time) were soooooo much worse to feel and live through than actually doing/feeling whatever it was I was fearing.
    As always a meaningful post to me and great food for thought. Thank you.
    Also. love the photos with you framed by the tree branches 🙂

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yes! I love that phrase/quote as well about being brave, I have to remind myself of that constantly.

      Oh my goodness you’re so right! The fear of whatever it is is usually always 99% worse than if you just grit your teeth and do it. Even knowing that, it’s still so hard to just go and do things you’re afraid of.

      Thank you for your lovely comments on my photography as well, that really means a lot!

  • I actually loved reading this post because I can related SO much! We all have fears, everyone has different fears, but it shouldn’t be the reason why we stop doing things. Little steps is something I need to focus on now. Thank you for this post beaut!
    Lots of love,
    Ramshaa Rose
    xxx

    • The Sunday Mode

      Ah it makes me feel so good knowing that other people out there can relate!

  • so true! I did this a lot last year, did things despite the fact I was terrified and tho I was still scared I had a lot of fun doing those things! You can deffo do it, I need to focus on doing this more again because there’s more to life than letting feat get the best of you <3

    The Quirky Queer

    • The Sunday Mode

      That’s so motivating to hear! I really need to remember that the next time I’m fearful of something. Also I love that last line you wrote as well, that’s so perfect.

  • Totally agree that fear can be a huge motivating factor in most people’s lives at some point or another. It’s totally normal to feel fear, whether it’s about starting up a conversation with someone when you’re the new person at work, or the fear of following a massive dream, or the fear of telling someone you’re into them, or whatever else. I’m definitely still guilty of it in some areas of life, but sometimes the payoff is worth facing the fear and you just have to get through it. Almost all of the time the thing you’re scared about doesn’t happen, or isn’t anywhere near as bad as you were expecting, and it really does pay to push yourself past what makes you scared and just go for what you want, because if you don’t you’ll probably never get it!

    littlehenrylee.net

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yeah I need to remember all of that so much more often! It’s funny how your brain makes you think something awful is going to happen but then it almost always never does…

  • I love that you shared this and I totally agree! I always have to remind myself that successful people aren’t successful because they did not fail, it’s because they moved past their failure and bounced back quicker! PS adore that trench coat! xx HautePinkPretty

    • The Sunday Mode

      Yes exactly! So often when people who have accomplished their dreams are asked how they did it, they just said they kept going!

  • I don’t know if I’ve shared this with you yet, but before I started my blog I was letting fear decide the way my life was going. I was so scared of what people might say if I attempted to become a blogger. Sometimes I still get those toxic thoughts at night, but the truth is that I have never been happier than I am right now. When you decide to go for it and leave the fear aside, those are the best moments. It’s like getting on a rollercoaster even though you were scared to the bone and then realising that it wasn’t so bad after all.
    xx
    Ana

    http://www.anapicazzo.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      I didn’t know that at all, but I sympathise because that’s how I felt before I started my blog! Even know when people ask me about it in ‘real life’ I can sometimes get really shy and closed off talking about it, it’s an awful feeling because that’s basically my own fear of what people may think.

      That’s a brilliant analogy with the rollercoaster as well! Now that you point it out, I think almost all of my favourite memories are the ones of the moments where I’ve done something despite being fearful.

  • Loved this post, so relatable. Trying to conquer fears really is the key to success x

    Tiffany Tales | Lifestyle & Beauty

  • I get travel anxious so but it’s very strange to experience it because I go through it from a very depersonalised perspective – as though the feelings I have aren’t really me??? I’ve been doing nightly guided meditations before bed time to help me recentre and I think that’s been helping set a tone for the next day…

    Cherie ✿ delicately.xyz

    • The Sunday Mode

      Wow that sounds like an interesting type of anxiety, I’ve felt something similar a couple of years ago and it was just bizarre. That’s brilliant that you’ve been finding guided meditation works for you though 🙂

  • Lisa Autumn

    Girl you are so inspiring! Loved this post!

    xx Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Ah that means so much and is so nice of you to say, thanks Lisa! x

  • Pinar

    This was such a great post to read and very well written! I feel like I can relate to this feeling. Fear and Anxiety are my two struggles in life and I found a way to take it day by day and situation by situation and have recently took on some anxiety and won! Thank you for sharing! ps. you look beautiful in your photos 🙂

    Pinar | http://www.beautybakingbella.com

    • The Sunday Mode

      Thank you! That’s really nice of you to say 🙂

      That’s massive that you’ve been taking on your anxiety lately and winning, you go girl! Fear and anxiety both play big parts in my life as well and like you said, I find it easiest when I just deal with each situation as it comes along, that way things don’t feel so overwhelming.

  • Diana Valverde

    Don’t let fear rule you, just try to get the confidence from somewhere deep inside and if you fail, don’t worry, we all do it and with failures that we learn. 🙂
    love the trenchcoat 🙂

    http://telltalesofdiana.org