So next year I’ll be officially in my mid twenties. Somehow even though it’s just a year that seems a little intimidating to me? Almost like by now I should be way more mature than I am or something like that. Like maybe I shouldn’t just be Netflix and ‘chillin on my weekends, I should be out there being a productive member of the community?! Oh well.
The jump from 18/19 to 20 is usually a big one for people in terms of maturity, but for me, it was from around 21-my current age where I’ve really evolved as a person. I did this weird shift and now I don’t even recognise who I was even last year, that feels like a different person altogether.
I remember someone saying to me once that we all carry around a certain amount of baggage. It’s based on who we think we are, and what we think we can do. So you think you’re shy because growing up people told you that and you start to feel that way, but really, maybe you were just around the wrong people? Are you actually shy? Maybe that wasn’t the greatest example of all time, but it basically makes you think about how much of yourself you’re letting be defined by other people and your past, or past experiences. So slowly but surely, in my 20s I’ve been letting go of who I think I am or who other people think I am. I just let go more and see where things go and through that, I’ve realised I’m way more capable than I think I am, and far more adventurous (among other things).
Growing up, like most people I had ideas about what I wanted to do in my life and when roughly I wanted to do it by. Then you actually get older and realise that the ‘time plan’ you had as a teen was way off. My teen version of myself just assumed I’d be able to reach all of these massive goals in a really short time frame. Lol OK past Julia, that’s not unrealistic at all. It’s almost as if we think that if we don’t reach our goals in our twenties or thirties, that we’ve somehow failed? I don’t know why but people (or at least the ones I know) don’t tend to think that they actually have their entire lives to achieve their goals. You don’t fail just because you haven’t hit all your marks by 30- you know? You have so many years left…I mean, unless you tragically die in an accident but let’s not put that thought out there eh?
So now as the years go by, I focus more and more on again, letting go. Letting go of the feeling that time is running out and the need to achieve my life goals RIGHT now. As well as letting go of the need to feel like I have control over all the aspects of my life, and being ok with that. Being ok with not knowing what’s going to happen.
I like to think that if you read my blog and then meet me in ‘real life,’ you’d find I’m exactly the same or very very similar. Except pre-warning, if you ever meet me in person, I am very animated and will 100% be the female reincarnation of Chandler Bing…but anyway. Something I really noticed in my 20s is how much more comfortable I am in just being myself, weirdness and oddities and Chandler’ness and all. Admittedly, I’m still not the best with being 100% myself in every single situation, but I’m so much better than I was. Working on all that, I’m actually excited for the years to keep rolling by because at this rate, I’m going to be that one super confident 80 year old who’s like “if you don’t like me, your loss.” There’s a sense of catharsis and ease when you just be your authentic self, not worrying about whether people will like that or not.