Okay fine, so it’s already 2019 but there’s still a lot of the year left to go. Funny, it felt like January took forever to finish and then February just flew right by. March has felt kind of….in between?
Since the start of this year, I’ve tried to never use the phrase ‘New Year, New Me’ because I know it makes most people want to jab their eyes out with a fork when they hear that. Working on myself and becoming a better person has been something I am actively worked on though. I’m just steering clear of that phrase.
It’s not that I’m super unhappy or anything, it’s just that I personally don’t want to get to 2020 (wow that sounds futuristic) and feel the same. I like change and progression. I want to get to the end of the year and know I’ve grown as a person. I actually like hitting a new year and not recognising my old self, it feels refreshing. So here’s the game plan I’ve been using to make that all happen:
I’m a huge planner, and sometimes it would get to the point where I’m writing my daily to-do list and ‘shower’ is on there (don’t judge me I just like ticking things off the list okay…). Having a list is awesome most of the time, but sometimes I found I would just push tasks to another day, then another day and another. Until eventually, I had procrastinated for an entire month because I didn’t want to do something. Lately, as soon as I think of something that needs doing, I do it. Right then and there. List or no list.
This doesn’t always work out based on what I’m currently doing and where I am, but most of the time it works and it’s been saving me mental stress actually. A lot of things don’t even reach my to-do list now because as soon as I think of them I just do them. I’m getting shit done, and it feels good.
I would love to say that I don’t struggle with fear, but that would be a flat out lie. Fear stops me from doing a lot of things. Recently I read a blog post that talked about finding out where your fear is coming from. It could be coming from perfectionist tendencies, a fear of rejection or judgement, fear of being vulnerable or a whole load of other reasons too. Once I figured out what is causing my fears, I realised that in 2019, I don’t want to let that hold me back anymore. I want to do things even if they scare me, or because they scare me. I love my comfort zone but I know I can only grow so much when I stay within it.
I’ve been saying I’m going to read more for ages now, and while I love that for delving into different universes and learning more, I want to expand my range. Watching documentaries, reading articles and opening up my mind to viewpoints that I hadn’t considered before. Challenging norms of society and really questioning why things are a certain way and why and how they could be changed. Challenging why I hold opinions about certain things and how that’s come to be. I want to broaden my scope and learn as much as I can this year. If I’m not learning, I’m stagnant.
So alright, I’m not saying I’m straight up selfish but I think it’s quite common when you’re in your 20’s especially to put yourself first most of the time. You’re changing friendship groups, you’re often in a transition period and you’re trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. Even the phrase ‘transition period’ feels like an excuse to be like “um sorry I need to focus on me right now k thanks bye.” For the rest of 2019 I want to put others before myself more often. I feel better when I help others and that’s a part of my life that I don’t think can ever be filled by doing anything else.